Kick his @ss!/Transcript

Your Dad
Ray: What's happening forum? First of all I want you to look at this footage of this adorable little girl. Aww, isn't she cute? I'll talk about her in a minute but first a user sent me a video of Your Dad. Yeah, that's him, say hi to Your Dad. Now I don't know Your Dad's real name so we'll just call him "Mr. F***ingwierdoontheinternetwholikestochokehimself". And as you know, "Mr. F***ingwierdoontheinternet" or, Your Dad is a 58 year-old man with a few interests. He likes fishing, he likes reality TV shows, oh and he really likes to choke himself and put the videos on the internet.

Your Dad: [choking sounds]

Ray: And of course this isn't just one video, Your Dad has an entire channel where he does nothing but dress like a gay biker and choke himself.

Your Dad: [choking sounds]

Ray: It must be really awkward to be in your family...

Little Girl
Ray: Forum, the adorable little girl that I mentioned in the beginning appears in a video sent to me by a user named "Shockwave", who sends me great stuff by the way. Now this little girl is apparently not afraid of monsters. Check it out.

Little Girl's Mom: And tell mommy again what you would do if a monster came in here?

Little Girl: I said I'm gonna kick his ass.

Little Girl's Mom: (laughs) That's not nice.

Little Girl: If he's gonna come in here, he's gonna kick my ass.

Ray: Now as funny and as cute as that is, I can't really make fun of this girl because honestly, it's true. that little girl will beat the s*** out of you. She will f**k you up. I'm just saying: you better recognize.

Mr. Motocross' Response
Ray: Forum, we kinda spoke about unorthodox sexual behavior last week when I showed you footage of Mr. Motocross. You remember him, he's the guy who likes to dress up in full motocross gear and then blow inflatable animals and the dry-hump them and then pop them, well the guy -Mr. Motocross- actually found my video and commented on it saying he thought it was both hilarious and brilliant and subscribed to this channel. But he also explained a little bit about why he dry-humps the inflatable animals. Apparently, Mr. Motocross has something called a balloon fetish, which is exactly what it sounds like: people who fuck balloons. You know I got to give it up to Mr. Motocross for being such a good sport about being made fun of. He didn't get mad like some people do, some people have this attitude like...

Little Girl: I'm gonna kick his ass.

Ray: Yeah. And maybe I was too quick to judge Mr. Motocross. I mean, he likes to f**k inflatable animals, your dad likes to f**k guys who choke him, and I like to f**k beautiful women. Are the three of us really so different? And now that my total video views is past a million, sometimes I'm propositioned by very attractive girls on the internet. Apparently, video views are some kind of aphrodisiac. Just the other day I had a girl tell me she'd give me "super head" if I brought back the troll.

Troll: Hell yeah!

Ray: I'm not even sure what super head is, and I would never use my YouTube channel to pull ass but I do understand what it's like to be horny. My point is, Mr. Motocross, I feel your pain and aside from your weird fetish I think you're a stand up guy. I think you're a great guy. In fact I like you so much Mr. Motocross, you can come over to my house anytime and f**k my inflatable raft.

Break Up
Ray: One last quick update, forum. A few weeks ago on this show we hooked up a user named Ryan Rymar Marsi with another user named Nataliya. Well unfortunately Ryan wrote me last week on Facebook to tell me that he and Nataliya had to break up. Now Nataliya is actually a foreign exchange student and her host mom felt that it was best that she didn't have a boyfriend. Which kinda makes me sad, kinda chokes me up a little.


 * Your Dad: [choking sounds]

Ray: No, not that kind of choking. But apparently all is not lost for Mr. Ryan Marsi. As it turns out a girl from Ryan's school who also watches this show wrote me and wanted me to tell him that she has a romantic interest in him. Now I'm not sure what Ms. Lynden Turner meant when she said she had an interest in you Ryan, but i think it means she wants to give you Super Head. or maybe she wants to choke you a little or maybe she wants to beat you up in bed or maybe she wants to treat you like Mr. Motocross treats his pool toys. Either way Ryan, I know you're upset about Nataliya leaving but clearly other girls are interested in you. So I want you to seize this opportunity and go have a good time and maybe you'll end up feeling better. Now if you'll excuse me, Ryan and Forum, I'm off to use my YouTube channel to pull ass. I think you know what time it is, it's time for the Comment Question of the Day, which comes from a user whose name I can't pronounce, and he said...

Why did the Chicken cross the Road?

Ray: So that's it, pretty simple: Why did the chicken cross the road? Now I know you've got some interesting and creative answers for me and I want you to leave them in the comment section below. And don't forget to submit your video for next episode's Comment Question of the Day. But thanks for watching today's episode of Equals Three, I'm Ray William Johnson and I approve this message. So tell me forum, what's your best pick-up line?