I will end you!/Transcript

Guy Yelling At His Cats
What's happening, forum? I like animals, especially this fluffy son of a bitch. And as much as I want to reach out and pet its furry ass, apparently the owner doesn't feel the same way. Check it out.

$oh hai, kitteh$

[video plays]

Oh, and it's not just that cat. Apparently the owner has beef with all his cats.

[video continues]

Now this asshole who yells at his cats was brought to my attention by a handful of people. But what they sent me was actually a copy of the original video, which is, like, two years old. And I don't know if the asshole who's yelling at his cats still has a channel, or if he's still yelling at his cats, or whatever.

So if you find that prick's real channel, then let me know. 'Cause I don't like the fact that he's mistreating his cats. And I would love to send him a little message telling him his mom's a whore. That seems like an appropriate What's happening, forum? I like animals, $oh hai, kitteh$especially this fluffy son of a bitch. And as much as I want to reach out and pet its furry ass, apparently the owner doesn't feel the same way. Check it out.

[video plays]

Oh, and it's not just that cat. Apparently the owner has beef with all his cats.

[video continues]

Now this asshole who yells at his cats was brought to my attention by a handful of people. But what they sent me was actually a copy of the original video, which is, like, two years old. And I don't know if the asshole who's yelling at his cats still has a channel, or if he's still yelling at his cats, or whatever.

So if you find that prick's real channel, then let me know. 'Cause I don't like the fact that he's mistreating his cats.And I would love to send him a little message telling him his mom's a whore. That seems like an appropriate response, right?

ThingsOnMyHead
All right, forum, I got another one for you sent by a user named SasoriB5.

Now this YouTuber is really creative. In fact, I would argue that the content of his show is better than that of Fred, nigahiga, smosh, or any of those guys in the top 100 most subscribed. His username is $ThingsOnMyHead$

[video plays] There he is.

And his videos consist of him... putting things... on his head, and then staring into the camera for a minute and a half. And each episode there's a different thing.

[video continues] A slipper, a PS2 controller, a VitaminWater, an iPhone, a goddamn hamster.

But you see -- you see how much better that channel is than this channel? [Fred video plays]

Yeah, in fact one of his best episodes is called $"Kettle"$; it's my favorite, watch!

[Kettle plays]

[Laughs] That is the best episode ever! I swear to God.

Your Average Star Trek Fan
Forum, by far the most interesting thing I saw this week came from this guy...

[video plays] ... whom we'll call... $Your Average Star Trek Fan$

Now a lot of you sent me his video, at least ten of you. And many of you wanted me to make fun of the guy. But I watched a few videos, and [video continues] Your Average Star Trek Fan seems a little eccentric, sure, but not enough to make fun of him.

I saw no reason to pick on the guy. But then I watched one of his vlogs and heard him say this.

[video plays; $"I recycle my own semen."$]

Wait a minute... did he just say he recycles his...?

HOLY SH*T! [walks away]

Oh, that is some nasty sh*t! Oh, oh! God!

I couldn't even watch anymore of his videos. I almost gave up vlogging, I felt so damn dirty.

But not before I read some of the comments reacting to what he had said. Responses ranged from,

I kinda have a feeling that Average Star Trek Fan is trolling... but still, that is nasty!

Finals
All right, forum, I got finals up until next week. Hopefully after then I'll be able to get back to my old schedule of making at least 8 videos a month. And I know it's been bothering many of you that school has kept my off-schedule because you've been writing me angry messages, like,

[first video plays; "DO IT, YOU BITCH, DO IT!"]

But, until summer arrives, just be patient. And if you get too bored, watch this guy -- [ThingsOnMyHead video plays] -- and try to figure out what the hell he's thinking. Look at that bastard! [video continues] There's something going on in his head; he knows something we don't. [video continues, cutting between it and Ray, getting increasingly frightened; ends with Ray on newspaper on head; $WTF??$]

Anyway. Or, you could take some Equals Three episodes from last month, and... [Your Average Star Trek Fan plays] recycle them.

My point is, finals are almost over, and I'll get back to regular schedule soon as I can, so please stop threatening to kill me if I don't get a video out $Get off my back!!$ $'cause your mom just got off hers$.

Speaking of killing, it's time for the Comment Question of the Day.

CQOTD
The Comment Question of the Day comes from a username $TehBuhb$, and he said:

Hey Ray, my question is: if you had the ability to kill one person and get away with it, who would you kill and why?

Is it just me, or does that guy seem like he really wants to murder someone?

Please answer that creepy guy's question before he comes to me apartment to slit my throat.

And be sure to leave your answer in the comment section below, and don't forget to submit your video for the next episode's Comment Question of the Day. Please? Before that guy kills me?

Closing
But thanks for watching today's episode of Equals Three, I'm Ray William Johnson, and I approve this message.

So tell me, forum, $Why do guys like boobs?$